Help me with my first printer ender 5, i'm ready to give up

[curious aardvark]

I refer you to my previous answer :-)

Also it sounds like your extrduer stepper motor steps are incorrectly set in the firmware.

which is probably why you need to increase your flow rate by so much.

They essntially both do the same thing.

So you can either keep the flow rate high or play with the extruder stepper motor settings.

Fortunately to adjust stepper motor steps all you need is to enter a line of g-code into the startup script. That way every time you print you can adjust the steps.
Nlieve me it's a LOT easier than messing about with updating firmware.

You need to find out what the correct extruder steps should be for your printer.
which I note, you have yet to mention.

also you have not mentioned the print speed. That also makes a difference.