Z Is Being A Pain In My Axis

[Semi-Pro Idiot]

Good evening,I've run a few test prints, and while it runs . . . ok, I've noticed that my prints are a bit smooshed.

Brand: Anycubic

Printer: Kobra Neo

Filament: PLA

File: Height Gauge (pre-loaded)

The Problem: The z-axis horizontal bar isn't remaining parallel to the print bed, resulting in skewed prints

What I've Tried So Far: I've tried re-leveling (before I realized what was causing the symptoms), resetting the z-offset, messing with the z-axis wheels (tightened and loosened the bearings), and finally figured out what people meant by eccentric nuts and messed with those (trying different levels of tension).

Further Troubleshooting: I confirmed that the bar is uneven by moving the x-axis along sideways after setting my z-offset with the paper I used to calibrate it underneath. I started on the right side where it seems to keep going down with the light pressure on the paper. As I moved the x-axis to the left, it loosened its grip on the paper completely. Ever since, that's been my benchmark test after I try an adjustment.

I'm at my whit's end here. I've seen some people suggest getting a second motor and bar for the z-axis so that it's evenly supported on either side, but A, that seems a little extreme, and B, if that's the only solution, that feels like it's something Anycubic should have addressed before shipping these out in the first place. That, paired with the overall lack of support I've gotten from them makes me want to avoid them on future purchases. So. What on earth am I doing wrong?!?

EDIT:
I'm not a huge fan of how this formatting works.

[Bikeracer2020]

Sounds like your bed is lower on one side.

[Semi-Pro Idiot]

Hmmm, I'd thought of that too, but isn't that what auto-leveling is supposed to fix? Or am I misunderstanding what that does?

[Bikeracer2020]

Hmmm, I'd thought of that too, but isn't that what auto-leveling is supposed to fix? Or am I misunderstanding what that does?

Yes, but you need to use all the bed leveling screws initialy to get in the ball park using your piece of paper or shim under the nozzle.